Numb
by Redskilstiltskin
Summary: What happens when Sirius's self control with his family finally cracks? Set in the summer before Sirius's 6th year. Basically angsty oneshot songfic with a very POed Sirius...


What happens when Sirius's self-control with his family finally cracks? Angsty one-shot with a very POed Sirius...

**Red Notes**: Yes, I finally got around to posting this, be amazed. Inspiration comes at the most random times for me, 1:30 in the morning for instance, especially when I fall asleep listening to my iPod. That's basically how I started writing this (with the light from my iPod, sadly enough). That's about it. Hope you enjoy!

_**Disclaimer:**_ I sadly do not own any of the characters created by Jo nor do I own the lyrics (thank you Linkin Park). But I _do_ own the cookie dough I'm eating! Yumm!

**Numb**

Dark eyebrows furrowed over soft grey eyes as a little pebble tottered around on two and a half legs across the oak desk. Had he not "swished-and-flicked" his wand in just the right way? Or had he forgotten a tiny word in the incantation? That, more often than not, tended to be his problem. Or had he—

"SIRIUS!"

Oh. _That_ was why.

"Get your good-for-nothing ass down here!" his mother screeched.

Flinging one last glare at the struggling pebble, Sirius stalked from his room and stomped down the red carpeted stairs. As he slouched into the dining room, Walburga threw daggers with her eyes.

3…2…1…

"Sit."

Clearly startled at the calm voice that didn't belong to his mother, Sirius peered around the hag to the rigid-backed man that he grudgingly called 'father' standing there. If death was ever in search of eyes, Sirius sincerely hoped it wouldn't pick his father's; death was bad enough without _that _gaze. And it was what he saw in those dark eyes, not the continual screeching of the hag he called a mother, that really unnerved him.

"Why are you still standing there?" his mother growled. "You heard your--"

"Shut UP you old hag!" Sirius snarled, temper rising faster than usual.

Orion's eyes narrowed. "You are not to speak to your mother that way, Sirius," he said in a deadly whisper. "You are from one of the purest blood-lines in the Wizarding world and you need to start acting like it. Even Regulus understands that much and he's only a third year."

_Tired of being what you want me to be_

_Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface_

_Don't know what you're expecting of me_

To hell with his father, Sirius was more than fed up with this. "And if I don't start acting like it?" Sirius asked softly. "What if I don't want to act like some son of a bitch with something up my arse all the time? What if--"

"Sirius! That is quite enough. You--"

Raising his voice to be heard, Sirius stubbornly continued. "What if I don't want to become a bastard like _you_." The challenge hung in the air, almost tangible.

_But under the pressure _

_Of walking in your shoes_

_Every step that I take_

_Is another mistake to you_

Regulus sat quietly in his chair, dark eyes shining as he watched the battle unfold. Although he tried his best to hide it, there was a hint of smug anticipation on his face. Sirius made a mental note to wipe it off the next time he got the chance. For now, his attention was honed in on his father who had amazingly stayed apparently calm in his chair.

"It doesn't matter what you want Sirius," Orion replied icily. "It doesn't matter because you do not control this family or your will. Your will, your possessions, your very life belong to me and this family. You have forgotten that too many times, my son."

"There is nothing to forget," Sirius snarled. "You had the control, you had the power. Until I met others besides the bastards I'd grown up around, you did." An evil grin spread across his face. "And then the disappointment in the once golden child began."

_Can't you see that you're smothering me_

_Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control_

_Cause everything that you thought I would be_

_Is falling apart right in front of you_

_Every step that I take is another mistake to you_

_And every second I waste is more than I can take_

"Oh, sure. Slytherin would have been a great choice! Except for the fact that it was the last place I would have chosen to go. Gryffindor, on the other hand…" Sirius enjoyed the shudder that went through his father as he trailed off. "And I never got pissed at you or mother after reading loving letter after oh so loving letter each week. My naïve mind thought you just wanted what you thought was the best for your oldest but not-so-golden-anymore child. Then came Regulus."

Silence.

Dead, anger-filled silence. Sirius could almost taste the smugness rolling off of his younger brother in waves. He would really have to fix that, sooner rather than later. Walburga's nostrils were flared ominously and Orion's face was a block of marble.

"For you, it was like the world had been reborn." Sirius continued on without mercy. "Once again you had a little bastard to manipulate and control as you pleased. A new golden child, better than the first. Everything would have been just peachy if you didn't have to keep trying to take back the control over me that you once had. You tried to smother the rebellion and harness me back into the pureblood shit."

Snapping to his feet, Sirius's father knocked away his chair. "That is the last straw, Sirius." The deadly voice had returned. But Sirius's wand flicked out in a blink in spite of it.

"Take another step and your favorite gets it."

Regulus's eyes widened as they took in the wand pointed threateningly at him and the smug look drained with his color.

Ah, his goal was complete.

The threat had also had the desired effect on Orion, who had stopped dead.

"Good," Sirius cooed. "Now if you'll excuse me…" Sliding out of the tense dining room, he strode down the hall lined with the decapitated heads of former house elves. And, who could forget, the lovely portrait of his mother. Instead of scowling at him every time he passed, Walburga's likeness was screeching away at him. Completely ignoring it, Sirius reached for the handle but stopped when he heard the sound of approaching footsteps. Turning, the black-haired wizard stared emotionless at his father.

_And I know I may end up failing too_

_But I know you were just like me_

_With someone disappointed in you_

"You will never set foot in this house--"

"You forget that that won't be a problem for me," Sirius interrupted as the portrait screeched, _"Blood traitor, abomination, shame of my flesh!"_

"You can't threaten me with something I'd be glad to never return to," he finished over the screeching. Shaking his head, a maniacal glint sparkled in his eyes. "No matter what delusions you may have, I'm not the failure in this family." _You are._ The two words hung in the air, an unspoken dagger.

Whipping around and throwing open the door, Sirius called spitefully over his shoulder to his speechless father, "Oh and Regulus would love it if you went to talk to him at the moment." Almost feeling the angry but still bewildered glare Orion was pining on his back Sirius swung the door shut and stood on the topmost step. A twisted grin wound its way onto his face. Just before he'd shut the door on his past and family, two of the most delightful sounds had reached his ears: Regulus's high-pitched scream of pain and his mother's shout of disgust and surprise.

Chuckling sinisterly, Sirius descended the stone steps and sauntered off down the run-down side-walk. It felt good. Behind him lay his family, past, and blood. In front of him lay whatever he chose.

_I've become so numb, I can't feel you there_

_I've become so tired, so much more aware_

_I'm becoming this, all I want to do_

_Is be more like me and be less like you_

**Red's Notes**: Open to any feedback although I will use marshmellows if I have to_. (I stole it Pawfoot:P) _Oh and I'm happy to answer any questions if I totally didn't explain something (it's happened before ;-;).


End file.
